My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize