i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
