Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
