marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
