i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize