I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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