I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
