wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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