part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
