Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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