Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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