I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
