The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
