420 ftw
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
