Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
