This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
