Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
