Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
