I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
