A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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