Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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