i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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