got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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