woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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