so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
