dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
