I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
