i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
