I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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