oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize