dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
