Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
