I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
