you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Actions speak louder than pants.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
