I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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