Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
