my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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