There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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