my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize