Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
