Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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