Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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