I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have fence marks all over my body
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
