It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
