census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
