I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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