I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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