Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
