did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
