1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
