She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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