Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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