she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
