two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
