Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
is that a dick in a sweater?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
