i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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