Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
