your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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