I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
