okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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