he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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