She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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