I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
