IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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