It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
