thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
