Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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