saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
