I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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