one two three fourrrrnication!
i think i have two assholes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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