I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is the high leading the old right now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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