Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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