booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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