Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
