the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
