1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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