Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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